


What Could Have Been

by monophobian



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/M, KogKag Secret Santa 2019, Memory Loss, it's coming later in the story, it's weird - Freeform, just go with it for now, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:21:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22333345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monophobian/pseuds/monophobian
Summary: Kagome wished on the jewel, but it wasn't the right wish.
Relationships: Higurashi Kagome/Kouga
Comments: 62
Kudos: 110





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [OrpheusUnderneath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrpheusUnderneath/gifts).



“What are your plans today, Kagome?”

Hakkaku’s voice jerked her from her daze, landing Kagome right back in the middle of the field. It was the first clear day in over a week and she was finally allowed out under the sun. The storm had been horrendous and the weather even worse. Kouga had forbidden anyone to leave the den until he was certain it was safe to go out.

Though she didn’t know why the mandate included her as well. It wasn’t like she was really a part of the pack.

“Is there anything I’m allowed to do?” she asked, unable to keep any of her pent up bitterness from her tone.

Thankfully, Hakkaku understood. He was one of the few who treated her well. The other beta, Ginta, was also nice when he spoke to her. Kouga… Well, the alpha wasn’t _mean_ , per se, but he wasn’t nice either.

Hakkaku sighed and lowered himself to sit next to her on the grass. “I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you’re not a prisoner here.”

Her glare was enough to give her response to _that_.

He had the grace to duck his head. “At least, you’re not a prisoner we usually take.”

Right. Because they didn’t ever take _live_ prisoners.

“It’s only until he’s sure about you.”

And wasn’t that the crux of it. Treated as if _she_ were the danger when the pack ate humans!

“Having an untrained miko around isn’t something we usually deal with.” Hakkaku stretched out on the grass, folding his hands behind his head in a makeshift pillow as he looked up at the bright blue sky. “Especially when you know where the jewel is.”

“It’s not like he needs it,” she muttered, ignoring the untrue part so she would’t have to lie. “The jewel is too dangerous to play with like that. Who knows when it’s going to turn on him.”

“Why are you so certain it’ll turn?”

She huffed a laugh at that. “It _always_ turns. That’s the whole point. Get the unsuspecting user comfortable enough to let their guard down and then it takes over.” She brought her knees up to her chest, linking her arms around her ankles. “He might be strong enough to override the initial desires now, but what happens when it learns his weaknesses and uses them against him?”

“It won’t.”

The new voice had her freezing, her back stiffening until she thought her spine might crack. Deep, powerful, dangerous. She hadn’t felt him approach and now it seemed she attracted his attention. Still, Kagome hadn’t backed down before and she refused to back down now. Showing any sort of weakness against him would only backfire on her in the end. “You can’t be sure of that.”

Powerful tan legs moved into her vision. “You can’t be sure it will.”

“Yes, I can,” Kagome snapped. “I’ve seen it affect far stronger youkai than yourself.”

“Oh really?” His lips quirked in a cruel smirk as he crouched down to look her in the eye. “You’re used to tangling with stronger youkai, are you?”

His question reeked of a trap. She didn’t know what to expect, but she didn’t think this would end well. “I’m not usually the one tangling with them,” Kagome answered, going for honesty, “but I’ve seen what it can do and you won’t be the only one hurt when it decides to act.”

His smirk widened, revealing his fangs. Amusement danced in his eyes, but not the innocent amusement she was used to. This ookami alpha had something up his sleeve and Kagome wanted nothing to do with it.

“But if your presence keeps the jewel from turning,” he crooned, “then nothing will happen as long as I have you around.”

Unease flushed down her spine. This wasn’t good. So far, she’d been stuck in the den due to weather and travel, but this? The idea that Kouga would keep her trapped for his own gain? Kagome didn’t know how to handle that.

“I have to get the jewel back where it belongs,” she said carefully, her voice clear even as her hands trembled. “It needs to go back before it falls in the wrong hands.”

“Wrong hands such as mine?”

She looked away then, not quite sure what to believe. “Anyone’s,” she clarified. “The jewel needs to stay with someone who can keep it pure.”

“Even though Kikyo’s the one who lost it in the first place?”

Kagome bit her tongue. Explaining this mess — that Kikyo _didn’t_ lose the jewel, that Kikyo did all she could to keep it contained, that it was Kagome’s stupid wish to try and get rid of the jewel that landed her in this new timeline with a Kouga that didn’t recognize her — it was all useless. She didn’t want to believe it herself, but that’s where she was. Kikyo and Inuyasha were living happily ever after together while she was stuck away from her home and stuck reliving what could have happened.

With Kouga.

Not that there was anything wrong with Kouga, but _this_ Kouga was still eating humans and didn’t trust her and didn’t… He didn’t know who she was.

And didn’t that just hurt.

“It’s not like you can travel with it alone,” he said, drawing her back with one clawed hand tugging at her hair. “You’ll be dead in a matter of days.”

She didn’t bother telling him she had no choice. She had to destroy the jewel — _again_ — and hope that maybe she’d have a life that looked somewhat familiar. “I’ll figure something out.”

“Hmm.” He rose to his feet and she could feel his eyes on her, though she refused to look up. “I’m sure you will. Until then, you’re going to stay right here.”

“Why?” she challenged. “Why won’t you let me go?”

He bent at his waist then, making sure she was looking in his eyes before he answered. “It’s not that hard to figure out. You just haven’t been paying attention.”

He stood before she could respond. “Stick with her today,” he ordered Hakkaku before he walked off.

Kagome didn’t relax until he was out of sight. He was still around — Kouga never truly left for long — but at least he wasn’t right there with her.

“What on earth did that mean?” she asked, more to herself.

Hakkaku’s laugh came from the grass and she turned to look at the wide grin on the ookami’s face. “You really don’t know?”

Angling closer, she narrowed her eyes. “Don’t know what?”

“You have no idea why Kouga’s keeping you around?”

“As his own personal jewel keeper?” she snapped back. “It’s not like I offer much else!”

At least to _this_ Kouga. The Kouga she knew would want her around for her company, but this one was different.

That sent Hakkaku into a fit of laughter, his guffaws filling the cleaning.

Okay, maybe they weren’t really _guffaws_ , but Kagome hated being so out of the loop. What did they know that she didn’t?!

“You crack me up, sis.”

Turning back, she rested her chin on her knees with a sigh. She was getting no where with these idiots. And it didn’t matter who she asked, she was always met with the same answer — if she was given an answer at all.

Still, she had to keep an eye open for any chance that would let her leave with the jewel.

...

“Where are we going?” Kagome asked Ginta as she followed him up the path of the mountain. He’d woken her early this morning, handing her the yellow backpack they’d confiscated and quietly telling her to follow.

“We need you to look at something,” he answered over his shoulder.

“Right now?” The sun was barely rising, the dim glow of dawn slowly lighting the mountain tops. Shadows stretched along the valleys and Kagome wasn’t quite sure there was any good reason to be out so early.

“Yes, right now,” Hakkaku answered, having joined their little team at the top of the den. There was another youkai she’d spoken to with Hakkaku and one more trailing a bit behind them. Was he there to make sure no one followed? Or to keep her from running?

Not like she could run. The youkai would catch her in a heartbeat and even if she managed to outsmart them, she didn’t have the jewel and Kouga would track her down in no time. He seemed to know where she was at all times, almost as if she had a jewel of her own that he could detect.

Shaking the man from her thoughts, she continued her climb. The backpack was welcome, but heavy. The couple weeks in the den spoiled her. Still, she wouldn’t complain. Last thing she wanted to do was give the impression she needed their help.

The sun was starting to peek over the mountains when Ginta finally stopped. She finished her climb and found him just away from the edge of a cliff. There was a wide valley in between and Kagome caught herself from letting them know she recognized the site.

“Do you feel the jewel?”

“There?” she asked, pointing toward the homes for the Birds of Paradise.

“Anywhere.”

The four ookami looked at her expectantly. Blowing out a breath, Kagome turned toward the cliff face. Why are they asking her? The jewel was back in the den. It hadn’t moved in three days, even though Kouga kept alluding to it. Did they not believe she could feel it?

“It’s in the den,” she answered honestly after a bit of silence, “about halfway between us and the entrance. There’s nothing over there.”

One of the silent youkai howled, a large, loud sound that made her jump.

“A little warning next time?!” she half-shrieked when the howl ended. “I almost jumped off the cliff.”

He gave a bashful but amused smile. “Sorry about that.”

“Uh huh.” Heart pounding in her ears and not believing that for a second, she turned back to Ginta. “Why did you ask? There’s just one jewel and it hasn’t left the den.”

Ginta opened his mouth to answer, but a strong pulse caught her attention. She turned to look down the path just as a wind funnel flew up. Kagome shielded her eyes from the flying dirt and the noise quieted just in time for Kouga to speak.

“She find something?” he asked gruffly.

“Nothing,” Ginta answered.

Kouga cursed, his brows pulled down in a frown. “They don’t have a jewel?”

“She says no. Seems to be another fake.”

_A fake?_

“So there’s nothing over there?” Kouga’s weighted gaze turned to her as she steeled her spine to keep from taking a step back. “Nothing at all?”

“Not the jewel.”

“Huh.” He glanced over, then a smile tugged at his mouth, showing off a fang. “Then I guess we better go see what they _do_ have.”

Before she knew what happened, she was in Kouga’s arms as he flung them both off the cliff.

...

“I’m going to kill you,” she hissed after they made sure the small cave was empty. “I’m going to wrap my hands around your neck and purify you from teeth to toes.”

He pressed close against her, his chuckle rumbling against her back. “That sounds a little vicious for a human, doesn’t it?”

Kagome barely kept from swatting him away from her ear. “I’m still going to do it.”

“No, you’re not,” Kouga said, his breath ghosting over her ear. “You’re going to wait for me to take you back to the den and then you’re going to ignore me for as long as I let you.”

She hated how well he knew her. It reminded her of _before_ — when he actually knew her and cared for her and saw her. She had to remind herself that this wasn’t the Kouga she knew.

“No argument?” He sounded amused.

“Just shut up,” she snapped quietly. “Why are we here?”

He paused, her words settling between them, then he gently moved away. “There’s some sort of stone giving one of the birds a power similar to the jewel. I want to figure out where it came from.”

“Is it one of the fakes you were talking about?”

“Yeah. A few have been popping up here and there. No one seems to know where they’re coming from.”

She had an idea, but didn’t say any more. The jewel seemed to enjoy making her relive certain events, even when so many other things had changed. Kouga didn’t think anything of her silence and they quickly moved from cave to cave.

Each one was eerily empty.

“Where did they go?” she asked when the climbed up to the fifth one.

“Who?”

“The birds of paradise.”

He sent her a sharp look, his blue eyes practically glowing in the poorly lit cave. She almost groaned out loud when she realized what she said.

“How do you know what they are?”

_He’s going to smell a lie_ , she thought grimly. _Shoot_. How was she going to get out of this one? “I’ve encountered them before.”

His gaze was assessing, but he let none of his thoughts through. “They liked to terrorize the human villages before they started attacking my pack,” he mused.

She didn’t say anything in response.

“Did you purify any?”

Kagome shook her head. She hadn’t figured that out the last time they faced the birds.

“Can you purify one now?”

“If I had my arrows, yeah.”

He didn’t say anything to that, but kept moving them up the cliff. Six more caves, all deserted the same as before, until they finally entered the one at the top. The air was still, dreary, and Kouga moved in front of her.

“It smells like death,” he murmured, carefully stepping around the fallen rocks.

Kagome followed, doing her best to copy his silent moves. So far, so good, but she knew things would be very different should something in that cave move.

They continued further, bones and rocks all giving way until she could see a few feathers scattered along the ground. Kouga ignored them as he continued until he finally stopped. Kagome squinted through the shadows but couldn’t make out what caught his attention.

“Can you see?” he asked.

“No. What is it?”

“Is there anything in that pack of yours that could help you?”

_Did he know?_ Kagome swung her backpack around her torso, unzipping it and rummaging around until she found her flashlight. She almost grabbed the matches instead, but that wouldn’t give enough light. Flicking it on, she looked further in the cave and gasped.

The large leader lay on the ground, dead. She couldn’t find any blood, but there was a black sphere resting on the ground in front of it. The stone didn’t reflect the light of her flashlight and she moved toward it without thinking.

Kouga caught her with an arm across her chest to keep her from moving closer. “What is it?”

“I don’t know, but it looks like the jewel.”

“It killed the bird,” he said, shifting closer to her. “How did it do that?”

The aura from the stone was powerful, drinking in the youki pouring off Kouga even as they stood there. If he spent too much time with it, there’d be nothing left of him. “I think I can purify the stone,” she said instead.

“And if you can’t?”

That was odd. He almost sounded like he cared? Kagome shook the thought off. “I can.”

He was hesitant, but he eventually let her pass. Flashlight in one hand, Kagome neared the carcass, the oppressive aura of death filtering from the orb. It lashed against her, but she pulled her powers to her fingertips and reached out.

A wave of pink light shattered from the stone, a crack almost cutting it in two. Kouga shouted and lept back, but Kagome continued on until she could grab the stone for herself.

Kouga’s clawed hand gripped her forearm before he yanked her toward the front of the cave.

“What was that?” he demanded.

Kagome ignored him for the stone in her hand. It looked like glass now with the crack only toward the center and then stopping. Almost like her powers broke through the stone until it could purify what was living at the center. She lifted it to show Kouga.

“It looks like nothing,” he said.

“I don’t know what it was, but it’s harmless now.” Careful of the crack, she smoothed her thumb over one side. “Seems whatever was trapped in it is gone.”

Kouga was silent and when she finally looked up, she saw why. His gaze was firmly fixed on the still lit flashlight in her hand. Panic flashed through her. Kagome had no idea what he was going to do if he found out she was from another time. Or anything about her past.

She flicked off the flashlight and he finally looked at her.

“It seems you’ve been keeping secrets,” he rumbled at her. Kouga stepped into her space, crowding her until all she could see was the breadth of his shoulders. “What is that?”

Her eyes closed, her shoulders drooped, and she tried to think of _something_ she could say.

Kouga hummed after a stretch of silence. “Keep thinking, you’ll tell me the truth eventually.”

She almost snapped at him, but bit the inside of her cheek. If the old Kouga found out? He’d blink at her, make sure she was telling the truth, and then proceed to ask her a million questions. This Kouga? She was scared he’d find a way to use that for his own gain.

His nose wrinkled on his next breath and he took a step away. “You ready to get back?” His voice sounded a little colder, a little more distant.

“Sure.”

This time when he picked her up and leaped out of the cave, she was prepared.

...

Another bright sky had her sitting next to the river a couple days later, using a stick to draw doodles in the damp soil. Things changed after getting back from the caves. The ookami seemed to have settled with her living with them, she started making a few tentative friends she enjoyed hanging out with, and Kouga was avoiding her.

It was weird.

She only brought it up once. Ginta had asked her that morning what she wanted to do and when he led her out to the empty area, she chanced asking him what was going on. She was surprised he answered with a smile.

“Oh, nothing you need to worry about,” he’d said before telling her he would be back around lunch.

Kagome waited until he left before kicking the dirt and ranting her frustrations. She finally started getting her groove, finally adjusted to what the jewel did to her, and now Kouga’s gone off and acting weird? Not even _old_ Kouga would do this. He’d be shouting from the top of the mountain until he thought it was resolved.

“Stupid youkai,” she muttered under her breath as she stabbed the stick into the dirt. “Stupid era, stupid jewel, stupid—“

“Miko.”

A stern voice jerked her around, wide eyes looking up at Kouga standing right behind her, his face almost pressed against her hair.

“Are you okay?” His tone was harsh and demanding, but laced with concern.

“Uh, yeah?” she stuttered. What was he doing here?

“You’re bleeding. What happened?”

_Bleeding?_ Shaking off her confusion, she cast a mental inventory of her body. “Nothing happened. I’m not—“

She stopped, counting back the weeks in her head. _Oh no_.

Kouga seemed to understand the same moment she did. “Humans have different cycles,” he said gruffly. One clawed hand wrapped around her arm. “Let’s go.”

Kagome had no choice, jumping to her feet and hurrying after him down the path away from the den.

“Why didn’t you tell me this was coming?” he demanded as they entered the forest.

“I lost track of time,” she hissed in response. “Where are you taking me?”

“Away from the den.” He jerked her into his arms and started running. “A bleeding human and a cave of wolves don’t mix.”

Well. No, they didn’t.

“So what now?” she asked, tense and uncomfortable with her current position.

“You tell me. Where did you go during this time before coming to our den?”

She flinched. _Home,_ she wanted to say. She always went home. Used the time to check on her family, rest, refill her supplies, and catch up on school. But things changed now — she graduated high school, she didn’t have any supplies to add, and she didn’t even know if she could get home.

“Don’t think up a lie to give me,” he growled, though his growl didn’t sound threatening. “I don’t know that I can handle smelling a lie on you right now.”

She heaved a sigh and resolved herself to telling him the truth. “I go home and spend the week there.”

“You said you don’t have a home.”

“I said I don’t have a home _here_.”

Kouga came to an abrupt stop. “Explain.”

She’d put this off far enough. Kouga wasn’t going to let her go anywhere until he knew what was going on. “My home is on the other side of the bone-eater’s well.”

“There’s nothing in that forest.”

“Kouga.” She met his eyes, bright blue and focused intently on her. “Please.”

A fang poked into his lip and he nodded.

“I’m not from this era. The jewel dragged me down the well and when I climbed out, I found myself here. Five hundred years in the past.”

“You’re trying to tell me that you traveled through an old, rotten well from the future?”

She knew he wouldn’t believe her. “Yes. I know it sounds crazy, but that’s exactly what happened.”

“And you traveled back through the well when your heat starts?”

“Cycle, not heat,” Kagome clarified, already used to explaining the differences between humans and dogs to a certain hanyou. “And yes. I typically hopped down the well, visited my family, and then came back.”

His eyes didn’t leave her and after silence settled around them, he gave a long, slow sniff. He adjusted her in his grip and then started running again. “Why did you come back?”

_Of course he would ask that._

“It’s a really long story.”

“It’s not like I don’t have time.”

“You’re not going to believe me.”

“It can’t be worse than what you just said.”

“If only you knew.”

He nudged her cheek with his nose, drawing her attention back to him. “Try me.”

She shook her head. “I can’t. I have trouble believing it myself and some of it, I don’t even understand.”

Kouga switched direction and she knew enough of the region to know he was skirting around a village. “Does it have anything to do with why your scent is so familiar?”

That bit of information jolted her right up, blinking at him as he kept running. “My scent is familiar?”

“As familiar as one of my wolves.”

Maybe he did remember somewhere in the back of his psyche. And if he knew her scent, did that mean the original timeline wasn’t lost? Only shielded a bit?

Kagome swallowed, trying to put the story into words. Where did she even begin?

“Did you jumping times have any effect on our world?”

She considered that question. It wasn’t that her jumping affected it, but her actions in this era totally did. How did she explain that? “If it did, I don’t know about it.”

He continued running, his brows furrowing in concentration. “Why were you here?”

Another good questions — one she never got a straight answer for, but she did have a guess. “I think the jewel wanted to be back in this time.”

He glanced down at her so she expanded.

“Where I’m from, there aren’t any youkai. At least, there aren’t youkai that I know about. Only humans. And to us, the jewel is a fairy tale, something that we tell our kids when trying to put them to bed.”

He didn’t say anything, but she could tell he wasn’t a fan of what she was saying.

“One day, I got too close to the well and the spirit of a youkai that was buried in the well managed to pull me down and through to this time.”

“Why did it pull you and not just the jewel?”

“Well, the jewel was in me.”

His look this time demanded an answer.

“In my history, the jewel was destroyed in a fire with Kikyo. Her soul reincarnated in me and with that, I also got the jewel.”

“Is that why you’re a miko, too?”

She paused, all those past insecurities popping up. “I don’t think so. They haven’t seemed to be connected.”

“It seems like there’s a lot to this story you’re leaving out.”

Kagome didn’t bother answering that. Of course she was, but she didn’t want to go into it now. Turning from him, she was surprised to recognize the forest they were going into. It surprised her even more when Kouga stopped next to the old, familiar well, holding her while looking down into it.

“There’s only bones at the bottom.”

“I know.”

“But you travel through this to go five hundred years in the future?”

She nodded.

“Are you coming back?”

Kagome went still, but Kouga seemed to be expecting that answer. His grip on her tightened and next thing she knew, his nose was at the curve of her neck. Three large sniffs later and his grip loosened.

“Go,” he said hoarsely. “Even if you never come back, go. I’d rather you be happy than here.”

_That_ startled her. “Kouga?”

“Look,” came a harsh growl, “the longer you stay here, the harder it is to let you go. So get gone before I drag you back to my home.”

And just like that, the new Kouga merged into the old and she was looking at an old friend.

“Thank you.” One last look, and then she turned and jumped into the well.

...

It didn’t work.

...

“So you already traveled this world collecting shards of the same jewel that I found you with in order to defeat an evil youkai who played us on a string, but when you made the final wish on the jewel, it changed the timeline, erased you from everyone’s memory, and trapped you here?”

Kagome’s cheeks were damp and salty, pressed into Kouga’s shoulder. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but it kept her from sitting on the bones at the bottom of the well.

“Everyone?” he asked.

She nodded. “Inuyasha and Kikyo didn’t recognize me, I couldn’t find Shippo, Sango had no idea who I was, and you…”

“Treated you like an enemy,” he finished.

“It’s not your fault,” Kagome soothed. “I was some random human walking around with significant miko powers and a ridiculously powerful jewel. What were you supposed to do?”

He hummed in response, his hand stroking calmly down her back. “What are you going to do now?”

She’d cried her eyes out, but it seemed there was still some left as her eyes began to water again. “I have no idea.”

“I’m not going to leave you here,” he said gently. “You’ll be swarmed with youkai by nightfall.”

“It’s not like I can go back to the den,” she retorted. “I don’t want to go anywhere. I have no idea how human women deal in this time.”

“I’m sure we can figure something out. It’s a week right?”

She nodded.

“We can handle a week.”

He was trying to cheer her up and even though nothing would lift the heavy weight on her chest, she appreciated the attempt.

“We can stop by the village and see about getting some extra clothes,” he offered as if this wasn’t the most mortifying thing she’d ever talked about, “and stick next to the river as we go on. I know a few hot springs we can visit if that will help.”

Overall, it wasn’t the worst idea. It had taken them a bit of maneuvering when she was traveling over the years before, but for her limited resources that seemed doable.

“I can hunt you some food,” Kouga continued, “though I’m not the greatest at building a fire.”

That brought a weak smile.

“And I know you don’t trust me, but I’m not _that_ bad of company. At least I’ll try not to be.”

Her brows furrowed. “I don’t?”

He huffed. “You might have trusted the Kouga you knew, but you’ve been keeping your distance of me since we met. Can’t blame you. I haven’t been very accommodating.”

In comparison, no, but the old Kouga had kidnapped her in the beginning. Not everything had been different.

“At least this explains how you knew what the birds were. And that light thingy you kept in your pack.”

That brought another small smile. “Fighting the birds this time was a lot easier, I have to say.”

“I really had jewel shards in my body?” He sounded surprised.

“One in each leg,” she confirmed. “When we first met, you also had one in your arm, but the bird bit that from you the first time we fought them.”

“Weak pup,” he commented. “I must have been younger. I know better than to let my limbs get close to their teeth.”

Funny how little bits of the Kouga she knew popped up.

“Are you ready?” he asked. “I’m not trying to rush you, but I think we need to find you a river soon.”

A blush flew up her cheeks and she scrambled onto her feet. Kouga stood gracefully, picked her back, and jumped both of them out of the well.

...

It was odd traveling with Kouga this way. When they were alone in the forest, he seemed more relaxed even though he was constantly aware. In the villages, he was quiet and contained, but not overbearing. For the most part, he let her lead and only stepped in when she needed him to.

Different. It was just different.

And it took a couple days to get used to the new way of doing things. Kagome acquired a few pieces of clothing she traded her miko services for and cleaning them definitely took some time, but Kouga was patient. He wasn’t in any hurry for her to move faster than she felt like moving. Granted, they didn’t have jewel shards to find, but it was still refreshing.

On the third day they came across another one of those fake jewels, this time in the forest. Next to the stone was a massive dead bear — another creature she had previously battled for a jewel shard. Would the fake stones be wherever there had been a jewel shard? No, she thought, there had been none in the den with Kouga.

But how many of them were there?

This one worked just like the last one, cracking as soon as she got close and sending a huge purifying wave in the clearing. Kouga learned from the first one and kept his distance until the stone was clear. And when it was purified, it looked the same. Nothing wrong, nothing unique, nothing to mean anything.

Still, Kagome placed it in her pack and they continued traveling.

It was nice to travel without a set destination. Following Kouga’s lead showed her a lot of places she hadn’t been able to spend time in before. He explained that he was sticking to common ookami spots and it made sense for Inuyasha to avoid them. As Kagome shared more, she learned that a lot of their common places were safer areas, less visitors and easily defendable. It was neat to see everything through a different lens.

The third and fourth stones were sitting at the bottom of a mountain, two humanoid bodies next to them.

“Did you fight them?” Kouga asked after she purified the stones.

“The Thunder Brothers,” she answered. “They kidnapped me and wanted to use me in a stew that would promote hair growth.”

He looked at her before cracking out a laugh. “They actually thought it would work?”

“Tell me about it.” She paused, looking at the scene. “I don’t see a fox pelt, so maybe Shippo’s family stayed safe after all.”

“The kit, right?” Kouga’s nose twitched and he moved to stand next to her. “I still don’t remember it, but that fits. You with a small kit.” He turned to her. “Is that how I met you?”

“You captured us both,” she answered with a smile. “And when I managed to sneak Shippo out to safety, you declared I was your woman.”

Kouga laughed again, this one a booming sound that filled the clearing. “Oh yeah, definitely a young pup.”

They continued moving, Kouga leading her deeper into the forest than usual. “You feel up for a hot spring?”

Every bone in Kagome’s body cried out in relief at the thought. “There’s one nearby?”

“Yep,” his smile was evident in his tone. “It’s not far. I’ll set up camp and then hunt down some dinner so you can spend some time soaking.”

She didn’t even think of protesting the offer. After five days of continuous travel and bathing in the cold rivers, a hot spring sounded like heaven.

She heard him giving a sniff and a small blush flared up her neck. Not as bad as it was in the beginning, but this would take some getting used to.

“We should be able to start heading back to the den tomorrow,” he said nonchalantly. “If we keep our current pace, it’ll take two days’ travel.”

Kagome smiled, grateful at everything he was doing for her. “We’ll know by tomorrow afternoon if we’re in the clear.”

He shrugged, his shoulders moving easily and his back rippling with the effect. “We can make that decision tomorrow, then.”

...

The hot spring was bliss. Absolute bliss. Kouga was true to his word — he showed here where the spring was then headed off to make camp. Kagome took no time stripping and submerging in the water, scrubbing off the grit and grime and sweat before finding a smooth rock to lean against. The sand at the bottom felt great on her toes and the soap they got from the village smelled wonderful in her hair. All she needed was a nice cup of tea and it would be the life.

Bushes rustled behind her, but she didn’t tense.

“I found a couple fish downstream. Will that work for you?”

“Yeah, that sounds great.” She’d finish here and then start the fire so she could cook her dinner.

“Good.” His voice sounded closer. “How’s the water?”

“Amazing. Exactly what I needed.”

“I’m glad.”

He stopped moving, but the air was heavy with his unspoken thoughts. Craning around, she poked her head over the boulder to see Kouga standing a few yards away, gaze fixed intently on the wet clothes laid out over another rock to dry.

“Is everything okay?”

When he looked at her, his eyes were ringed with red and his fangs seemed larger in his mouth. “There room for one more?”

Kagome stilled. It was a weighted question and she knew he wasn’t just asking about the water. If she said yes he would be in her space in no time, there was no denying that. This Kouga might not have been as forward as the one she knew, but the attraction was still there. And heavy, judging from the look in his eyes.

“Don’t answer that,” he finally rasped. “No matter what your answer is, don’t answer that until after you’ve stopped bleeding.”

If she hadn’t been in the hot spring, she’d still be bright red.

“Take your time. I’ll skin the fish and set up camp.”

He turned and stalked away, leaving Kagome with an entirely new question to consider.

...

When she got back to camp, clean and dry and feeling more relaxed than she could remember feeling, Kouga had a fire going, one fish cooking over it, and two bed rolls laid out. Her sleeping bag was one of them, a touch she found endearing.

He was cleaning two raw fish and when she sat down, lifted the stick off the fire and passed it over.

“It’s hot,” he offered, then proceeded to bite into his.

“Thank you for cooking.” She tested the fish with a finger and decided to wait a bit. “You didn’t have to.”

He shrugged. “I’ve been watching you do it all week. Didn’t hurt anything for me to give it a shot.”

She tested the fish again and decided to take a bite. Slightly less done than she preferred, but still edible and very good. Not bad at all for his first time.

“Was the hot spring worth it?” he asked, his tone forcibly casual.

Kagome wasn’t sure what the right answer was, so she decided to be honest. “Very much so. Thank you.”

Another shrug, this one through the fish bone he was picking off. “I’ll probably take a swim when we’re done if you don’t mind.”

“Go ahead. I definitely recommend it.”

They fell into another silence, but it wasn’t as tense as she expected. Weighted, definitely, but not oppressive or demanding. Almost like Kouga was keeping his reactions to himself instead of putting them on her.

Which was _really_ nice. She hadn’t realized how much she’d been expecting the latter.

They finished their fish rather quickly and after a quick scout around, Kouga headed to the spring. Kagome took that time to clean up the site, toss the fish remains in the fire to keep animals from scoping out the scene while the slept, and prepared the bed rolls. Kouga’s looked efficient, but she cleared out a few sticks and rocks underneath, then did the same for hers. The ground was a little uneven and after shifting things around a few times, the bed rolls ended up side by side to share the same flat area.

All the supplies went in her pack and she was sliding into her sleeping bag when Kouga came back the clearing. His hair was wet and loose around his shoulders, his armor carried in his hands. His skirt was dry, but his tail damp and she smiled at the rosy red of his cheeks. It was nice to see the heat didn’t only affect her.

“I moved the beds around,” she explained when his eyes flicked between the two. “It’s the only space that isn’t slanted or covered in roots, so I figured it would be more comfortable for both of us.”

He slowed, his gaze taking in the rest of the area, then he put out the smoldering fire. It wasn’t until he was lowering himself onto his mat in that she realized what she did.

Kagome studiously fought back the blush and continued settling in for the night. This was the most comfortable solution. She couldn’t fall asleep with a root in her back and she wasn’t about to let Kouga be uncomfortable with everything he’d done for her. Maybe if she didn’t acknowledge it, it wouldn’t be a problem.

“Good night, Kouga,” she said, taking in the vast array of stars visible in the night sky.

As she was falling asleep, she heard a soft “Good night, Kagome,” in return.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No honorifics because I'm terrible at them and the times I do try, I end up down a research spiral and wake up in a proverbial ditch three weeks later and this is one of the reasons I rarely write canon/canon-divergent fics. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Please know you're free to yell at me in the comments. I invite it with relish.

Kagome was surprised to find she slept all night. The air was crisp and cool and just comfortable enough in her sleeping bag that she hadn’t started to sweat. No noises, no vibrations, not even her dinner kept her from resting. It wasn’t often she had a bad night sleep, but it also wasn’t often that she made it the entire way.

The sun was just barely peeking through the trees when she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. Nothing around their little campsite needed to be tended and when she turned to find Kouga, she was surprised to find him still asleep.

He was on his side facing her, his arms wrapped tight around his chest. It was weird to see him with his hair down and the fire hadn’t been bright enough to appreciate it the night before. Long, thick, and luxurious, it splayed out over his shoulders and trailed a bit on his chest. The deep color almost made his skin appear darker which she almost thought wasn’t possible.

He was so different from Inuyasha.

The pang she used to get when thinking about the hanyou wasn’t quite there anymore. She missed him — Kagome was certain she would always miss him — but it was the loss of friendship she found she was missing most. Being able to talk and laugh and fight and simply be his friend. Hard to do that when he didn’t know who she was. From what she saw when she was dropped back in the forest by the well after the jewel ruined her life, he hadn’t changed much. He was a little calmer, a little more guarded, and settled into a life she would never know.

She hoped he was happy.

All of her old friends that she’d been able to find had seemed lighter, like a weight was lifted off their shoulders. It made sense; ridding the world of Naraku made a big difference. There wasn’t all that death and pain and betrayal. Everyone was able to carve out the life they were supposed to have.

It was only Kouga and his pack that seemed the same. Still brash and guarded and very prejudiced toward humans. Then again, most youkai were. Kagome couldn’t fault them for that.

Hakkaku and Ginta warmed up much quicker than she thought they would. It was fun to see the ways they stayed the same and she was grateful for the opportunity to get to know them. Before, Kouga crowded her and kept her to himself. Now, she had seen so little of him that she learned so much about his two betas. Enough to know that she would have enjoyed their friendship before.

The rest of the pack fit the mold. They acted as she remembered them in the beginning of their journey, little differences here and there. Nothing she could fault them for.

But Kouga — Kouga was the biggest mystery.

Physically he looked no different, but he felt different. Almost like she had never noticed the strong line of his jaw before. Or maybe it was the intelligence behind his gaze that made the blue shine. His laugh was louder though far less frequent and she’d only started seeing his smile over the last week. She hadn’t seen it once while they were in the den, only that mocking grin he kept shooting her.

Even now in his sleep, he was striking. He’d always been fit and she’d known it before, but she noticed scars on his hands now. Calluses on his fingers and the sharp points of his fangs and the fan of thick eyelashes over his high cheekbones.

Had he always been this attractive? Would she have felt this way if she hadn’t met Inuyasha first? It wasn’t something she liked to think about. Kagome loved her time before, loved her journey and everything she’d learned from it. She would have never traded it for the world.

Which only reminded her of the jewel and her wish. Why did it do this to her? Was this her punishment for wishing the wrong thing?

Kouga shifted, a deep breath expanding his chest and then he huffed it out. A thrum of tension spread down his torso, muscles in his forearms flexing just before he opened his eyes.

Just in time for Kagome to realize she was staring at him.

A blush spread over her face as she smiled, trying to fight back the embarrassment. “Good morning.” Maybe if she acted normal, he wouldn’t think she had been studying him in his sleep.

His lips twitched into a small, crooked smile that said otherwise. “Morning.” His voice was rough and raspy and deep with sleep and she wanted nothing more than to sink into it. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” she answered honestly. “Better than I have in a long time.”

He nodded, a question crossing his face even though he remained quiet. Instead, his gaze swept down the length of her sleeping bag before he turned onto his back. Kagome looked away as he stretched, focusing on getting ready for the day. She’d have to stop by the hot spring first and do a quick wash, but that should be the last of it for now. Hopefully. Some months were wonky.

“Did you sleep well?” she asked when Kouga sat up.

“Yeah,” he said, almost surprised. “I did.”

It was on the tip of her tongue to ask further, but Kagome bit back her words. It was a step she didn’t know if she wanted to make, building that connection. The week had already painted him in a new light and showed her more of who he was, but this was different. She didn’t know what was going on with the jewel — how could she risk falling for someone who might forget her? Again?

“Where do you want to go now?” Kouga asked after he packed up their supplies.

Maybe it was the memories from this morning and maybe it would only hurt, but Kagome was sure of her answer. “Do you know the taijiya village?”

...

Kagome could feel Kouga’s hesitance the closer they got to the village. It made sense — a youkai walking into an area filled with trained taijiya wouldn’t feel very welcome, but it didn’t stop her. She had to know. How had the jewel touched the village? Would anything feel familiar to her?

The closer they got the antsier she became, her mind racing with all sorts of possibilities. Sango didn’t remember her, that much she was certain of. And if Sango didn’t, Kohaku wouldn’t either. But the cave — she had to check out the cave. If the jewel was still here, the cave would be here and maybe the cave would have some answers.

“Are you okay?” Kouga asked her when she stopped at the foot of the hill that led to the entrance.

“No.” She took in a breath and blew it out. “No, I’m not.”

“We can go back,” he offered, shifting from one foot to the other.

“No.” She looked at him and almost smiled at the look of concern on his face. That was familiar. “I want to go.”

Kouga studied her then nodded, walking with her up the rise. She wasn’t sure what she expected; if people would stop them at the gate or meet them outside or if Kouga would even be allowed in. Sango had never shown a distaste for youkai of Kouga’s caliber, only the lower-classed, mindless murderers that fed on humans, but that didn’t mean her thoughts would be mirrored by others.

And Kouga’s pack still ate humans, she remembered suddenly. Kagome hadn’t seen that happen since they captured her and hadn’t heard anyone refer to it while she was at the den, but she also hadn’t heard him declare otherwise—

“Who goes there?” a sure voice called from the top near the gate.

Kagome didn’t recognize the voice, but that didn’t mean anything. “My name’s Kagome, I’m a miko. This is my traveling partner, Kouga.”

He shot her a look full of amusement at what she called him, but otherwise kept quiet.

“Kouga of the ookami pack?” the man growled.

Kouga lowered his head in greeting. “That’s me.”

“What are you doing with a miko? Your kind doesn’t take well to humans.”

“Miko don’t take well to youkai, either,” Kouga said in answer.

Kagome looked at him, confused. That answer didn’t offer anything, did it? But it seemed the man understood because he nodded and his stance relaxed just a bit.

“What brought you here?” he asked, his tone still hard.

“At the risk of offending, I want to request a showing of Midoriko’s cave,” she said carefully, going right for it. Trying to deceive this man wouldn’t do them any favors, her gut told her. Honesty would be the only way through.

The man’s eyes widened slightly. “That’s a bold request.”

Kagome gave a short bow. “Being a miko, I’ve heard the stories passed down. I wished to see if it were possible for me to visit.”

“And you thought traveling here with a youkai was the best way to achieve that?”

“I thought this opportunity might not appear again and I would regret it if I didn’t try.”

He considered that, his brows furrowing. “I’ll let you share your request with our leader when he returns,” he said. “Until then,” the man’s gaze darted toward Kouga, “I’m afraid I won’t be able to let you both in.”

Kagome started to protest, but Kouga caught her eye, his gracious half-bow surprising her. “Is there a spot we could set up camp?” It seemed he expected this.

“There’s a river that runs not far off the other side of the village. You would be welcome to set up anywhere between the village walls and the river.”

“And we’ll be able to speak to the leader when he returns?” Kagome asked, wanting to make sure they wouldn’t be forgotten.

“I’ll make sure to tell him where you’ve settled.”

It wasn’t the best option, but it was what they were given. She gave another bow with Kouga, then turned and descended down the hill. Why wouldn’t they let them in? Kouga wasn’t human, yes, but she was a miko. Surely they would know a miko wouldn’t travel with a threat?

“That went better than I expected,” Kouga said as they followed the road along the side of the village.

“Really?”

“They didn’t run us off.”

She stared at him, a shifting in her chest almost throwing her off balance. “Were you expecting them to?”

He shrugged, his eyes watching the path he was leading her down.

“Kouga?”

“From what you told me, the village had been killed before you met the last of them,” he said, “which means I’ve had more interactions with them than you have.”

An unease uncurled in her stomach. “Have they been bad?”

He glanced at her, his face hiding any of his thoughts. “Let’s just say they wouldn’t have given _me_ a welcome like that.”

...

Setting up camp with the sun so high in the sky was weird. For the last week, Kouga and Kagome had made it a habit to travel until night had fallen. This seemed a little indulgent as Kagome gathered a few dried sticks from the brush under the trees.

“The river isn’t far,” Kouga’s voice said from behind her. “We should be good to camp here for however long we need.”

“When will you need to get back to the den?”

When he didn’t answer, Kagome turned. He was staring at her with that unreadable look on his face, his eyes dark and stormy as the lines in his neck shifted.

“What? I don’t want to waste your time?”

He glanced away, that jawline hardening and then he took a step forward. And then another step. By the time he was standing in front of her, Kagome remembered this wasn’t the old Kouga she used to know.

“I think you forget, miko,” his voice rumbled over her skin as he bent just enough to catch her gaze, “that if I didn’t want to be here, we wouldn’t be.”

A blast of heat raced up the back of her neck, her breath catching in her chest. “That’s—“

“When we need to head back to the den, you’ll know.”

“We?” she barely got out.

His smile was similar to the ones he’d first given her — hard and filled with something she didn’t understand. “You think I’m not going to take you with me?”

“But—“

Kouga’s nostrils flared, his eyes shut, and she watched him tense in front of her. A heavy silence stretched between them before he stepped back. “You need to wash up.” His eyes were ringed red when he opened them again. “I’ll find us something to eat while you do.”

She understood enough to take the out he offered.

...

The water was cold, but Kagome welcomed it. It cleared the fog that had settled over her when Kouga stepped close, his youki pouring out of him and caressing over her in waves. She wasn’t used to feeling it that warm, that potent. Usually, youki that strong carried violence; this one carried something far different.

The cold water also gave her time to think through the last few days. She had gotten closer to Kouga, that was certain. She got to see a side of him she hadn’t seen yet from her time in his den, more of his personality than just the alpha that efficiently ran his pack. She’d been able to learn the differences between the Kouga she knew and the Kouga she had, who he was now, and how he worked.

So where did this sudden shift come from?

It took the entire length of her short bath to admit that this side of Kouga had always been there. This was the side she’d avoided in the den, the one who threw her off balance and had a host of ulterior motives she couldn’t figure out. The pack knew what was going on in his head, but refused to explain anything to her. It was always the same response: she’d understand if she paid attention.

Now she _was_ paying attention, she fumed silently, and she still didn’t know!

Pulling on her clothes, Kagome examined what she knew. The Kouga who talked to her and camped with her wasn’t the Kouga from the den — mostly. The night before when he asked if there was room for him to join her in the spring and the one just now who spoke of returning to the den, that was the alpha she’d watched from afar. The one who gave off the impression of steel covered in velvet when it came to her.

Even though he was sometimes gentle, he was unbending.

Fishing her brush from her backpack, she found a warm, dry rock near the river and sat down. It would be a struggle to get through the tangles with her lack of conditioner, but it would give her more time to try and piece together the puzzle Kouga kept throwing at her. It made sense for an alpha to be that way. Any good leader knew how to be stern, but also knew when to give. Had this week been the Kouga who could give? Was that why the two sides of him were so jarring?

A small voice in the back of her head piped up — _that’s the side that emerges when he shows interest in you_.

“Miko,” Kouga’s voice through the trees broke her from her thoughts. “The leader is here.”

Shoving everything into her backpack, Kagome hurried back to the campsite. Kouga was waiting next to her pile of sticks as she stored her things under the roll he’d set out.

“They’re waiting for us in the village,” he said, his eyes touching over her damp hair.

Kagome didn’t waste any time and walked with Kouga back up the hill, anticipation thrumming through her veins. Would they let her go to the cave? Would she really be able to enter? And would she find any answers?

The guard they spoke to earlier was waiting for them at the gate, a more welcoming disposition reflected in his stance. “Please follow me.”

“Both of us?” Kagome clarified, not wanting to leave Kouga alone.

The guard nodded. “Yes, both of you.”

Kagome blew out a sigh of relief and followed him in, stuttering in her steps as she looked at the village she remembered.

There was just so many _people_.

Even having listened to the stories Sango shared, Kagome hadn’t realized how many people had actually lived here. They were everywhere, walking in between the huts carrying weapons and bones among them, a group of women were near an open area hanging up linens to dry. Fires were lit and the smells of food being cooked filled the air.

Kagome couldn’t help but take in the sight. Oh, how heartbreaking it must have been to see what Naraku had turned the once-thriving village into. While she always understood why Sango was so quick to join them and leave her home, actually seeing it made such a difference. There was no mistaking the loss that happened during a time Naraku existed.

All of these people that were able to live and find happiness… Maybe it was worth her losing everything.

She followed the guard through the main walkways, ignoring the stares they caught. If they had anything to say about a miko traveling with a youkai, they kept their thoughts to themselves. The villagers were content to simply watch them walk through in silence.

It wasn’t long before the guard stopped outside one building in particular. It was small and quaint and Kagome wondered what it was used for. Planning? Strategy? It seemed she would find out soon.

“Send them in,” a voice called from inside and with a wry smile, the guard held the door for Kagome and Kouga to walk through.

A tall, strong man was standing on the other side of a table, his dark hair pulled back in a short ponytail and his face a few days since his last shave. It was shocking to recognize him through her memories of Kohaku and how much he must have taken after his father.

There were three others in the room, all dressed in similar armor Sango wore whenever they prepared for battle. One _extremely_ familiar, but Kagome hurried to push that out of her mind.

“Forgive me our precautions,” the man said as he motioned toward the heavy guard in the small room. “I hope you understand the necessity.”

In more proof that this Kouga was different, he didn’t say anything. It seemed he was leaving this meeting up to Kagome.

“We understand,” Kagome replied. “I’m Kagome and this is Kouga.”

“I am Matsuba, the leader of this village,” he answered in kind. “I hear you have an odd request for me.”

It was a leading statement and Kagome could tell he already knew, but she decided to humor him anyway. “Yes, I’d like to see Midoriko’s cave.”

Matsuba’s eyebrow twitched, but he showed no other reaction to her statement. “Not many people outside this village know about the great miko,” he said. “We tend to keep that knowledge to ourselves.”

How to explain that his daughter was the one who told her in a time that no longer existed? “I trained near the village Kikyo lives in,” Kagome said carefully, choosing the right words to keep from outright lying. “Stories of the jewel had a way of referencing Midoriko and this village.”

“Not many stories,” he responded, his shoulders dropping slightly, “but they do exist.” He studied her, his silence so heavy Kagome knew he had more to say. “Word tells it that Kikyo lost the jewel.”

Something in his tone caught her attention. “You don’t believe it?”

“No.” His answer was swift, sure. What would have him so convinced? “Something else must have happened for it to no longer be in Kikyo’s hands.”

How desperately she wanted to explain that something had. Instead, she focused on the reason she was there. “I know this is an unusual request. I mean no disrespect with my presence there.”

“And yet you would bring a youkai?” he asked with no amount of judgement in his tone.

“I’m traveling with Kouga and we were passing this area,” she explained, exactly as she’d told the guard. “I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.”

Even so, she wanted Kouga there. Having someone who knew what happened to her, who knew the importance of discovering what was going on, who knew _her_. After so many weeks alone in this time, she finally had someone she could be free with. Kagome was not eager to see him disappear.

“I’m willing to grant you your request on one condition.” He nodded toward one of the taijiya who stepped forward. The man reached into his bag and pulled out a dark sphere that he set on the table between them. “We found this in the home of a lord who asked for our services yesterday. The servants said the lord had died just before we arrived, this stone next to him on his bed. Do you know what it is?”

Kagome recognized the story, Naraku impersonating the lord when he killed Sango’s family. It seemed these fake jewels didn’t just prey on youkai — or the lord had been keeping secrets even before Naraku.

“We’ve encountered a few others,” she answered. “Fake jewels that give powers similar to the Shikon no Tama, but slowly drain a soul until there’s nothing left.”

“Is there anything you can do?”

Did he know? Kouga shifted behind her at the question, letting her block as much as she could. They learned over the last couple jewels that her body shielded a lot of the reiki that lashed out and left Kouga mostly unscathed.

Reaching out, Kagome readied herself for the same—

_Crack!_

Just as it happened countless times before, a wave of reiki exploded from her finger as soon as she touched the stone, a crack cutting straight through to the center. The flash of pink light shocked everyone in the hut, all of them drawing weapons and readying for a fight, but it was gone as fast as it appeared. Kagome watched each of them reassess and slowly relax.

“I don’t know why it happens, but I purify the stones as soon as I touch them. It’s happened like that with every other one we’ve come across.”

Matsuba slowly stepped forward, his eyes fixed on the now-clear stone. He reached out before stopping, looking up at her for guidance. “Is it safe?”

“Be careful of the crack,” she answered while nodding. “It will cut you, but it’s now just a broken stone.”

He picked it up, holding it up and studying it in the light. He passed it around the table and let each person examine it before he gave it to Kagome. “How many of those have you purified?”

“Too many,” she said, tucking the stone in a small pouch on her hip. “I was hoping if there were answers, I might find them in the cave. When dealing with anything about the Shikon no Tama, fake or not, it made the most sense to go to the source.”

“Are you hoping to find it?” he asked, his tone growing harsh. “It’s our understanding that after the Shikon no Tama disappeared from Kikyo’s possession, it hasn’t reappeared anywhere else.”

“No,” she said even though his gaze was fixed over her shoulder on Kouga. “I have no interest in hunting for the jewel.”

“And you, ookami?” Matsuba clarified. “Why are you on a miko’s journey?”

“She is a member of my pack,” came the answer and it was not one she was expecting. “I watch out for those that are mine.”

Matsuba nodded, the answer apparently making sense to him. “You’re camping down near the river, yes?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll meet you at dusk and then I’ll take you to the cave. Midoriko seems to welcome visitors best after the sun’s started to set.”

...

“When did I become a member of your pack?”

They were back in the clearing, food in hand as a gift from the village. Part of a small deer was roasting over the fire and silence stretched between them until Kagome couldn’t keep the question to herself any longer.

“When I brought you back to my den,” Kouga answered easily, seemingly not aware of the many more questions that sparked.

“And you didn’t think to tell me?”

“You knew.”

She waved that aside. “But _you_ didn’t say anything.”

When he turned and looked at her, Kagome almost took a step back. “Did I need to?” he asked quietly.

Her mouth dried.

“I knew what I wanted, but you weren’t ready to hear it.” One hand reached up, caught a strand of her hair in between his fingers. “You’re still not ready to hear it.”

“Hear what?”

Kouga looked at her. “You’ve been a part of my pack from your first step in my den. We’ve treated you as such, too.”

“You treated me as a prisoner,” she spat.

“Would a prisoner have freedom to walk along the river?”

“A prisoner would always have a guard on her.”

“So would a mate.”

At that, she did jerk back, her hair falling out of his grasp. “What?”

“Before, how did I claim you?”

His question threw her off. “You said wolves only mate once and that I was your woman, but only because I could sense the jewel shard.”

His jaw ticked. “Are you sure?”

“Well…no. You kidnapped me because I could sense the shards, but you said I was your woman after I got Shippo to safety.”

“Anything else?”

She wasn’t sure why he was asking, but she wet her lips and continued sharing her memories. “You would catch up to us every once in a while, grab my hands, check my health, and pick a fight with Inuyasha.”

“And you loved Inuyasha.”

Her gaze flickered, not wanting Kouga to see what that sentence dragged to the surface. It hadn’t been included when she told him her story, but it was impossible to hide.

“Now you’re free and I knew that.” Kouga stepped closer again. “There’s no other scent on your skin, no other name on your lips when you sleep. But you’re human and you’re strong and I knew I couldn’t simply call you mine and expect you to go along with it.”

“So you feigned concern and took me away from the pack for a week?”

“There was,” he snarled, the frightening sound filling the clearing, “nothing feigned about my reaction to smelling your blood.”

Kagome backed up again and he followed, over and over until her back hit a tree.

“Your scent in my den was already driving me crazy. Clinging to my betas, lingering on the air, I could taste you on my tongue. And then you started bleeding.” Clawed hands went against the tree on either side of her head and Kouga caged her in. He was so close, she could feel the heat off his body.

“Do you know how good you smelled? How good you still smell?” He brushed his nose along the line of her jaw, breathing in deeply. “And then to have you to myself this entire week, watching your barriers drop until you finally relax around me. You don’t have the slightest idea what it’s been like for me.”

“K-Kouga—“

“Nothing I have done toward you has been feigned in the slightest,” he growled, “but if you want me to act on all the things I’ve hidden, just say the word and I’ll do it.”

He pushed away from her and stalked off, the line of his back stiff. Kouga paused at their campsite, his neck angling as if he were going to turn back to her, but he shook his head and continued on toward the river.

When he disappeared through the trees, Kagome took a breath. And then another. Three slow, deep breaths trying to calm her racing heart as his words echoed in her ears. She could still feel the heat from his body, the rumble in his voice. So much exploded out of him at once, so hard and demanding and potent, she didn’t know how to react.

How she _wanted_ to react.

She moved without thinking, checking on the deer, laying out the bed rolls, trying to put some semblance of coherence on the thoughts bouncing around her head.

He wanted her. _Mate_ , he’d said. Kouga tossed out the word like it was easy, like it wasn’t new and scary and something he’d never thought about it. He said it like— like he _had_ been thinking about it. And then the rest of it? So close and so demanding, even though he hadn’t made a single demand of her. He’d commanded her attention and kept it, laying out everything she’d ever been confused about.

“Alright Kagome, it’s okay. Just…” She blew out a breath, knowing that talking to herself was far from the worst of her current problems. “One: Kouga is still attracted to you. It looks different from last time because _he’s_ different, but it’s still there.”

And oh, was it still there.

“Two: things are different and Inuyasha has moved on.” It hurt, but it was a healing hurt. One that already scabbed over and just waiting for the new skin to grow. “Three: he— it’s— you— What are you going to do?”

She liked him, she knew it. It wasn’t as strong as what he felt for her or what she once felt for Inuyasha, but it was there. It had been growing since the beginning if she were honest with herself. Why else would she have been so out of sorts whenever he paid attention to her at the den?

_Because you didn’t know what he wanted_.

Huh. She sat down on her sleeping bag, watching the deer to make sure it didn’t burn. What a revelation. She _didn’t_ know what he wanted, so she couldn’t allow herself to fall for someone who didn’t want her. But now— now she knew. He made it completely clear.

Kagome had no idea if that helped or not.

...

When Kouga returned, she expected the silence to be awkward and strained. It was at first — his armor was in his hands, his wet hair over his shoulders, and she tried to look anywhere but him. She had a hard time doing it. He set his armor down on his bed roll, ran a claw through his hair, then kneeled down across from her, reaching for the deer.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice carefully controlled. He sliced a piece off the deer, held it in his hands to cool, then passed it over to her.

She took it, tasted it, and didn’t bother to misunderstand what he was asking. “I don’t know. It’s…it’s a lot.”

He nodded, cutting off more. “If I had known how much you didn’t understand, I— well, I hope I would have told you differently.”

“Is that why you didn’t want to let me go through the well?” she asked.

His nostrils flared — a reaction she was coming to understand as surprise — and he slowly nodded. “The thought of losing you before I could have you isn’t something I like to consider.”

“And you were still going to let me go?”

Kouga passed over another larger piece to her, took a large once for himself and sat down on the bed roll. “Would you have been happy if I didn’t?”

No — and he already seemed to know that. “You didn’t care if I was happy while I was stuck in the den?”

A weak chuckle left him as he took a bite. “Yeah, I know.”

She let the silence stretch out, waiting for an actual answer.

“Part because I didn’t know what to do with the jewel. You need to be around it to keep it pure and I needed to be around you to keep you from being attacked.” His claws flexed, but he focused on the piece of meat in his hands. “The rest was because you weren’t _un_ happy.”

“What?”

“You weren’t happy, sure, but you weren’t sad either. You were mourning and I didn’t know why at the time, but I figured the pack would offer an easy place to mourn.” He met her gaze again, the look in his eyes something she recognized. “We monitored your scent, made sure you didn’t spiral. When we thought it was getting close, Ginta or Hakkaku would take you out and let you sit in the sun or we’d sent the pups to fall asleep on you. It seemed to help.”

Each word hit her, everything he revealed a different blow. How much those little things actually _helped_ , she realized. And he knew? He knew the entire time?

“When I learned what you were mourning,” he shook his head, “how could I keep you from going home? I didn’t know you _had_ a home. You should have been there from the beginning.”

“We tried that,” she joked, even knowing it would fall flat. “Didn’t really work.”

Kouga’s eyes didn’t leave hers, didn’t acknowledge her attempt at making light of a heavy situation. “I have a home for you, but you have to want it for yourself.”

Her mouth ran dry again, the deer turning to sawdust, her heart thumping at the meaning behind his words.

“I’ve made it clear how I want you to settle in our pack, but if you want something different I’ll give it to you.”

He was going to let her choose. Her hands clenched around the meat.

“You just need to let me know what you want.”

Kagome swallowed. “So…if I want to just be a part of your pack and nothing else, you would accept it?”

His jaw bunched and his eyes narrowed, but he kept his gaze locked on hers. “I made it through five days of you bleeding without claiming you,” he growled out. “It won’t be easy, but if that’s what you want, that’s what you’ll get.”

Her mind spun at the emotion in his voice, her heart racing at the next words on her tongue. “And if I didn’t? If I wanted what you want?”

A low sound filled the air rumbling from Kouga’s hard chest. His eyes closed, his claws speared through the meat in his hands, but he kept himself still. “Don’t tease me,” he finally bit out. “I’ll let it go now because you don’t know what you’re asking. If you ask me again, you’ll taste my answer.”

Twigs breaking through the grass caught her attention. She looked over Kouga’s shoulder and saw Matsuba along with three other men from the village standing at the edge of the clearing.

“Are you ready?” he asked. “The sun is about to set.”

Kouga’s eyes flashed red when he opened them before seeping back to that bright blue. “I’m ready if you are, Miko.”

She nodded, tucking their conversation in the back of her mind. There was a lot to think about and she would have to figure it out soon, but it would have to wait. They had a cave to get to.

...

The cave came into view as they emerged from the trees, exactly as she remembered it. The leader stopped well within range of the cave, nodding his head at them.

“This is where we stop,” he said. “We’ll wait until you both come back from the cave.”

Something in his tone spoke of a disbelief, but Kagome ignored it. Nothing was going to stop her from getting the answers she needed. She thanked them and headed toward the cave. Before, it was their sympathy toward the dead that allowed them through the barrier. She didn’t know what Midoriko was looking for now.

“You’ve been here before?” Kouga asked softly as they approached the cave opening, the first words he’d said since the villagers interrupted their conversation.

“Yes,” she answered, focusing on her memories. “There’s only one barrier here on the outside of the cave and hopefully Midoriko will let us pass.”

“Even though I’m youkai?”

“Yes.” They hadn’t had a problem before — only when Inuyasha revealed his selfish intentions of the jewel was he ejected from the cave.

“Do you think it’ll be the same?”

It was like he _knew_. “No,” she said with a sigh, looking up at him in the dimming light. “I want it to be, but something tells me I’m not going to like what I find.”

He studied her, his eyes almost glowing .”You think we’re going to find a fake.”

She shook her head, not wanting to admit it.

“Let’s go,” he nudged her forward. “We won’t know until we try.”

Kagome took a tentative first step and then another. She passed through the entrance with no issue and turned immediately to watch Kouga follow her unimpeded.

So far so good, even if it didn’t feel like she remembered.

They walked through the tunnel as the cave darkened, the already setting sun not offering much through the twists and turns. But she kept going with Kouga by her side, over the rocks and skeletons, all the way until it opened up to the statue she was looking for.

It was exactly as she remembered it. Midoriko was there, standing in a youkai’s jaws and stuck in a battle she would fight until the end of time. Souls trapped in the jewel, all fighting for power.

“What’s that?” Even though Kouga’s voice was soft, his baritone cut though the silence. “There in that hole. What is it?”

Kagome dug through the fabric of her clothes, reaching for the flashlight she’d hidden deep in one of her pockets earlier. Clicking it on, she pointed the light at Midoriko, looking for whatever had caught Kouga’s eye.

It was a fake jewel. Right where the real one had formed.

“How did it get _here?_ ” Her voice echoed off the walls, a loud, harsh spurt of sound. “What is going on?!”

“Miko—“

Frustration fused with anger and consumed her, taking over all thoughts as she scrambled over the dead bodies with little care. “It shouldn’t be here,” she almost shouted. “How _dare_ it be there, where Midoriko sacrificed herself!”

“Kagome—“

She tossed her flashlight as she started to climb, light flashing around the cave. Kagome’s focus was solely on the imposter sitting in the most disrespectful place it could be. Her nails scratched over the rock surface, her feet looking for every nook and cranny she could find. Finally, she hoisted herself high enough and reached out, her only goal to destroy the thing that dared replace what it could never be.

“ _Kagome, wait!_ ”

The explosion was bigger than anything she’d ever seen before. Reiki burst out with enough force to throw her off the statue, filling the cave with a blinding pink light. Kagome landed hard, knocking her breath from her lungs and she saw the stone shattering completely through, shards raining onto the ground.

Something dark and ugly and twisted slithered out from Midoriko’s chest, aimed straight for Kagome, and then she knew no more.


End file.
